People Are Randomly Roasting the Living Hell Out of Hawaiian Punch

Hopefully, you’ve figured out by now that it’s vastly important to regularly hit the pause button on our united COVID-19 inundation to enjoy something wholly inane. For today’s entry in inanity, we turn to the low-juice-content drink known as Hawaiian Punch, which has recently been made the subject of some scarily passionate roasting.

By some participants’ assessment, the drink resembles “washed up pennies” in taste and purportedly struggles to achieve a truly cold temperature no matter how it’s stored. Others, meanwhile, compared the experience of drinking Hawaiian Punch to “generational trauma.”

For anyone in the habit of giving a fuck, and this is admittedly being mentioned in the spirit of word count requirements, the first Hawaiian Punch recipes was developed by Tom Yates and Ralph Harrison back in 1934 inside a Fullerton, California converted garage.

And while this week’s insomnia and general panic-calming Hawaiian Punch discourse largely centered on repeated acts of dismantling roastery, a few commentators took a different approach by stepping out to defend the beverage that’s rooted in nostalgia for those of a certain age.

Anyway, it’s time for the tweets, so here are the tweets. Enjoy them. The tweets, that is.