If Your NBA Team Was a Drake Lyric: The 2018-19 Season Preview

Southeast Division

Atlanta Hawks

If This Squad Was A Drake Lyric:
Sex, love, pain, baby, I be on that Tank shit

Buzz so big I could probably sell a blank disc

“Best I Ever Had”

Atlanta’s the only steadfast tank team heading into the season, even if we know Drake’s dapping the R&B singer with the line, but it makes more sense for this team than the opening verse to “HYFR.” The Hawks, with former Philly assistant Lloyd Pierce replacing Mike Budenholzer, are more liable to tank because they’re still holding their own draft pick, so expect a lot of baffling lineups late in the season if Duke sensation R.J. Barrett is slipping away—assuming the Cameron crazies don’t kidnap him for another season.

Key Player: Trae Young

The only player, or reason, to really watch the Hawks, so Atlanta better hope he stays healthy. New GM Travis Schlenk took a huge gamble by trading the pick that could’ve nabbed NBA Twitter’s favorite European player, Luka Doncic, for a guy who got Steph Curry buzz at Oklahoma and then fizzled to end the year. Young flashed some dazzling passing in Las Vegas action, right along with frustrating inconsistency with his jumper. It’ll be interesting to see him in lineups with Jeremy Lin in the backcourt, and the rest of the starters—Kent Bazemore, Taurean Green, and human pogo-stick John Collins—just move up a position. Lloyd should try and think outside the box as much as possible or else the Hawks will need to lower the cost of refreshments even more, which might just mean free beer and popcorn for anyone who wanders into State Farm arena.

TRAE YOUNG NAILS THE GO-AHEAD TRIPLE FROM THE PARKING LOT! 🎯👌👀#NBARooks #NBAPreseason pic.twitter.com/xRstckFCr6

— NBA (@NBA) October 11, 2018

Key Addition: Jeremy Lin

While Lin has only played 37 games total the last two seasons—including just one last year before shredding his kneecap—he’s the biggest name the Hawks got in an off-season where they surrendered their elite coach and any chances they’re trying to make much noise outside of the lottery. Lin can go off in certain circumstances, and teamed with Young, that backcourt could make the Hawks fun when they’re both ripping twine.

Key Portion(s) of the Schedule: Oct. 17-21 (at Memphis, at New York and at Cleveland) and April 5 (at Orlando)

Atlanta starts their season with their first three on the road against teams that figure to feature prominently in the lottery: Memphis, New York and Cleveland. If they can start off 0-3, then they’re headed to the M1 Abrams of tank jobs. But if they fail to lose in Orlando on April 5, it might mean the Panzer 68, and a flier on a Bol Bol or Zion Williamson. It’s all about the future, which is why we’re talking college players in a season preview.

Major Key: Don’t win too many games 

Yes, this is the first year where the lottery odds have flattened the top 3, so the team with the worst record no longer has the top—25 percent—chance of landing the No. 1 pick. Now, the top 3 teams will each have a 14 percent chance, with the next team only incrementally less (12.5 percent). None of this really matters though, and the best way for teams outside New York and Los Angeles—say, Atlanta—to field a competitive squad is through the draft. Sam Hinkie knew this, and so does the NBA, which is why they all-but-forced the Colangelo clan on the Sixers. Draft leveling doesn’t change that uncomfortable truism, it just delays it.

Charlotte Hornets

If This Squad Was A Drake Lyric:
Gotta deal with people straight, I got my 23’s laced

It’s a marathon, not a sprint, but I still gotta win the race, yeah  

“Sacrifices”

A team stuck with an astronomical payroll (Bismack Biyombo is still owed $34 million, but at least it’s not Timofey Mozgov!) and zero title chances, which is what happens with a win-obsessed owner: you try to win at all costs and just get caught in the mid-tier mud. At least they’ll all be rocking some ill Js.

Key Player: Kemba Walker

He’ll be an unrestricted free agent this summer after finishing out the fourth year of his $48 million deal. Walker is hard to evaluate, but no one navigates a pick-and-roll quite like the former UConn standout. Despite how transparent Charlotte’s pick-and-roll plays have become, Walker was in the 92nd percentile in points per possession as the ball handler in those situations. He’s improved his shooting, with increases in his true shooting percentage in each of the last four seasons, including an above-average mark from deep (38.4) on eight attempts per game last season. And there are few players in the entire league with more wiggle, which is why he’s so hard to stop with a body setting screens. Walker’s made the last two All-Star teams, but at only 6’1” it’s easier to overwhelm him with size.

Key Addition: Miles Bridges

A pro-ready rookie, Bridges can stroke it from deep and rise up to remind everyone he’s a youngster. Most will do a double-take when they see Tony Parker in teal, but like Patrick Ewing in Sonics’ green and Hakeem Olajuwon in Raptors’ purple, a legend’s last uniform is the stuff of trivia, not value for a contender.

Key Portion of the Schedule: Feb. 6-14 (at Dallas, at Atlanta, at Indiana, at Orlando)

A good mix of bad and so-so, this road trip right before the All-Star break could give us an idea of where in the 5-8 range they fall for the 2019 Playoffs, or if new coach James Borrego is lamenting the lack of Gregg Popovich on the bench (maybe Tony will help).

Major Key: Identity

Can they stay healthy and carve out an identity after Steve Clifford? Their former coach had to take time off last season—similar to Ty Lue—because of sleep deprivation. Will this hit-or-miss team do the same to Borrego, or is the talent such that they just needed a change? They’re already angling to play with more shooters, starting Jeremy Lamb over Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, but even if they’re firing on all cylinders and stay healthy into the spring, it’s unlikely they’d even get out of the conference semifinals. And that’s their absolute ceiling. Michael Jordan needs some new blood even with a Walker decision looming.

Miami Heat

If This Squad Was A Drake Lyric:
Years go by too fast, I can’t keep track  

How long did we last? I feel bad for asking  

It can’t end like this

“Too Good”

Dwyane Wade is back. Maybe Jimmy Butler joins him and they wrestle to the death on the hardwood for Alpha status. Everything else is a crapshoot. Wade’s time in Miami really might end with another first-round exit. Or just in early April.

Key Player: Goran Dragic (if he isn’t dealt for Jimmy)

If you’re still waiting for the All-NBA point guard from Phoenix, don’t hold your breath. But Dragic gets the nod over Josh Richardson, James Johnson, Tyler Johnson, Dion Waiters, and the rest of the crap contracts Pat Riley agreed to after a half-season of success and a TV-rights windfall.

Key Addition: Uhhhh. Hold on. Nope, no one. Maybe Jimmy Butler gets this spot if Pat Riley can smooth talk Tom Thibodeau. Or maybe we put Waiters here if he can come back from ankle surgery. For the second time in three years, the Heat didn’t draft a single rookie in June. But at least they’ve got over $52 million committed to Hassan Whiteside over the next two seasons!

Key Portion of the Schedule: April 1-9 (at Boston, Boston, at Minnesota, at Toronto, Philadelphia)

With the exception of the Timberwolves, all of these teams figure to be ahead of Miami in the standings by this point in the season, and depending on whether these teams are in a battle for a higher seed, they could face some second units and sneak up into a more favorable playoff spot themselves. Or, they’re terrible and this is part of Wade’s farewell tour in the Northeast and Canada.

Major Key: Figure out this Jimmy Butler nonsense before it’s too late

Guys don’t like to live life in a constant state of flux, where they wonder every time their agent calls if they’re gonna have to move to Minnesota. The Miami-to-Minneapolis sojourn is harsh. The fiasco in Minnesota is complicated, with Thibodeau going out of his way to make sure a deal doesn’t happen, so Riley has to be careful he doesn’t paralyze his whole team with fear before Butler can either be forgotten, or they strike a deal.

Orlando Magic

If This Squad Was A Drake Lyric:
I don’t know why they been lyin’

But your shit is not that inspirin’

“The Language”

The Magic haven’t had an identity since Dwight Howard’s schtick didn’t elicit eye rolls from all involved. That lack of a distinctive trait bonding the team together—aside from a preponderance of bigs—has translated on the court too, where they’ve failed to win more than 35 games, or string together a consistent coach since the Notorious SVG exposed Howard in that memorable media session. If you don’t know what we mean, that’s because it happened centuries ago in Internet years.

Key Player: Aaron Gordon

He shot 54 percent from three in five October games last season and became the de-facto feature subject in that timeframe. He came back down to earth in November and had plummeted to 20 percent in 15 January games before connecting on 31.6 after the All-Star break. It might seem discursive to spend so much time talking about his up and down shooting from deep, but it remains the part of his game that has to improve if Orlando wants an equitable return on that $84 million extension. They still got a discount, so how bad can it be. There’s a reason agents get four percent.

Key Addition: Mo Bamba

Another long—preposterously long, largest wingspan (7’10”) ever measured long—big for a team that has D.J. Augustin starting at point guard. But Bamba combined with a healthy Jonathan Isaac and alongside Aaron Gordon locks in a frontcourt the Magic can grow with as they find a real NBA starter to run the point.

Key Portion of the Schedule: Dec. 31-Jan. 9 (at Charlotte, at Chicago, at Minnesota, at Los Angeles Clippers, at Kings, at Jazz)

This isn’t a difficult spat of games to usher in the new year, but it’s tough enough, particularly that last date in Salt Lake City, to answer some important questions about them. The Magic haven’t been a good basketball team in a long time, and after winning six of their first eight games last season, early-season performances could trick many into thinking Aaron Gordon is going to shoot 50 percent from three for the year. This is a long road trip far enough into the season we’ll see if new coach Steve Clifford has done what he did when he first got to Charlotte (made them respectable again).

Major Key: Point guard

Elfrid Payton wasn’t a huge loss except for young kids who like to do goofy things with their hair, but Jerian Grant is the replacement to back up career backup  Augustin? If they’re hoping for an Oladipo-level leap, they’ll keep waiting. You need a point guard in the NBA, you really need a point guard in the NBA in 2018, and the Magic haven’t had a decent one since Jameer Nelson, or an elite one since Lil Penny was still a part of the zeitgeist.

Washington Wizards

If This Squad Was A Drake Lyric:
Started not to give a fuck and stopped fearing the consequence

Drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishments

Faded way too long I’m floating in and out of consciousness

“Headlines”

The Wizards got rid of Marcin Gortat, and gained Dwight Howard. Back when the Magic mattered, the Polish Hammer used to back Howard up, but now—after his personality quirks lapsed into defects—it seems like the Wizards downgraded. They also signed Jeff Green in free agency, who might be the perfect journeyman for this team. Chemistry wise, the Wizards are John Wall’s Team USA photo:

look idk what john wall was on this summer but lmk if you find it pic.twitter.com/EZC6ufft0L

— Haley O’Shaughnessy (@HaleyOSomething) July 26, 2018

Key Player: John Wall

Washington’s star reached a new level two seasons ago when he made an All-NBA Third Team, but last season he only played half the year and forgot you have to try on defense. His partnership with Bradley Beal doesn’t seem close, and has appeared frosty at times. Wall shot a career high from deep in 41 games and has pulled up earlier, or exploded all the way to the cup to avoid the long two-pointers he used to love. He’s Wall, so he looks like a star some nights, and on others he’s spaced out standing around the arc. Which one is gonna show up?

Key Addition: Austin Rivers

Best known as Doc Rivers’ kid, it’s probably a drag that bit of info gets mentioned almost every time he’s brought up. It’ll probably be easier when he’s not playing for his famous father. His presence alleviates the playmaking strain on Wall, and Rivers has been shooting at an above-average rate the last two years with a minimum of mistakes (coach’s son and and all).

Key Portion of the Schedule: Nov. 23-30 (at Raptors, New Orleans, Houston, at New Orleans, at Philadelphia)

It’s still early when they hit this stretch, including road games against the top teams in the East, but the Wizards core has been together long enough, they shouldn’t need much time to find their footing, even with a new big.

Major Key: Dwight Howard or Ian Mahinmi

Dwight’s butt is hurting, seriously, so it looks like the Wizards will go small with Markieff Morris as their five, or put in Ian Mahinmi. Neither player is as tickled by flatulence as the former Magic, Rocket, Laker, Hawk and Hornet, but that’s a good thing.