Montreal Rapper Emma Beko Isn’t Afraid to Embrace Her Sadness
Written by SOURCE on October 12, 2022
Emma Beko isn’t afraid of embracing sadness in her music. In Superficial Stains, her latest EP and second released this year, the Montreal rapper explores her feelings around addiction, belonging, and producing her music.
Along with her new project, Beko talked to Complex Canada about the many emotions found in her art, her ambitions, and her love for J. Cole.
Complex Canada: You have a sad rapping energy, which we rarely see. You embrace that sad girl, and you don’t talk about relationships. Instead, you talk about your struggles, and your addiction. Why did you decide to own up to this style of rap?
Emma Beko: I feel like I really didn’t choose. I don’t feel like I decided to do that. I had a band with Gab Godon [known as Laroie] Heartstreets for 11 years, and I often tried to write songs about fun things. I wanted to be fun, but it always came down to heartbreak and things that were more emotional on the darker side, on the more difficult side of things. At the time, it was the most I’ve ever dabbled with, and even then, there was a dark element to it in the thematic of what I wrote about. It’s almost like music is my power. And the way that I developed this coping mechanism to deal with life and the more complex parts. Every time I write, it’s just what comes out. When I’m happy, that doesn’t come out through music; it comes out through existing. And I feel I’m a really happy person. But with the music I make, I get to release myself from the demons within me. I exteriorize it through my music in a way that feels healthy for me.
CC: And do you find it funny you’re a positive person in real life when you release sad music?
EB: You know about Lil Peep right? He spoke about so many of his struggles in his music, and when you saw him, you saw him struggling. You could see it. People expect me to be like that because I talk about drugs, consumption and everything. And it’s something that’s been present in my life, but it’s not something that I struggle with today. I went to a show the other day, and this girl came up and asked me if I was Emma Beko. She said, “You’re so different than how I imagined you to be, you know, I thought you were down, depressed.” When I’m writing my music, I am in that depressed mode. We, humans, are complex individuals. We have so many different feelings. It’s just this duality that lives inside of me.
CC: You’ve released 2 EPs, Digital Damage and Superficial Stains, that are part of the same project. Why did you decide to put this project into two parts?
EB: Because when I was writing it, there’s the business side of things. This is my art first and foremost. And then, there’s a business aspect to it, because I do want it to work and I’m my own team. I have to wear that hat as well and think about those things. For a small artist like me, that’s not established yet, releasing an album is just like… you put so much work, so much energy into something, then you put it out, and that’s it. To spread it out just gives longevity to the project. I want people to hear my music and so, I thought that’s the best way to release it. But also, I have a hard time just making music that doesn’t belong within a family. I see it as a family. A song belongs in an album in the way that I write it. I want it to have its brothers and sisters. They live together even though they can be very different from one to the other. When I’m writing, I think about that. I can immerse myself into that project as a whole and not get as confused. And I just felt like Digital Damage was like about the really raw, deep-seated pain that you will have and trauma. Superficial Stains was like these things that we can heal from, too. There are things that are just under the surface.
CC: You co-produced most of the album. How does it feel producing your own stuff?
EB: I feel uncomfortable saying that I produce, but I’m trying to feel more confident. I don’t want to say I’m not a good producer. I think that the music I ended up making is good, but I’m not trained to be a producer. When it comes to creating music, I’m very much working with my emotions and instincts, and I end up making happy mistakes. So I’m delving more into the production side of it because, like my music videos and everything, I love conceptualizing something and making it happen. I get to collaborate with producers who are extremely talented and who understand the vision I communicate today. I just want to put the right people together. You need to acknowledge and understand that you can have great ideas and not know how to make them happen. You can just have great people come together, and make it happen!
As a female rapper, there are a lot of subjects that I don’t speak about. Female rappers usually have a super empowering, feminine energy. They are fucking badass. But I can’t write like that. And that’s fine. So I just haven’t found anyone that I feel like we’re in the same group, or in the same niche. Sometimes, I feel a little lonely and I ask myself, where do I belong? But again, I’ve literally felt like that my whole life. That’s my career. It just feels like a normal extension of my life.
I love new metal, shoegaze, alternative punk music, I love that kind of music. And I love rap. My dream is to combine everything seamlessly and create a beautiful, hybrid type of music that doesn’t feel like it’s a mix of this and that.
CC: That struggle to belong somewhere is present in all your albums. From the first one, Blue, to your most recent EP. So what’s hard about belonging? Why does belonging play such a big role?
EB: I think it’s pretty awesome that I don’t feel like I belong in the sense that it is cool, because it just means that I know we’re all unique. Maybe I have to embrace that more. I don’t know why it’s so important to me. I remember it was hard in elementary school to make friends. I really wanted people to like me, accept me and think I’m cool. And they didn’t. And I remember being myself, I didn’t try to be someone else to fit in. I thought to myself “Why don’t they think I’m cool?” I would make my dad or my mom laugh, but then when I would do the same jokes at school, no one thought it was funny.
CC: What does Superficial Stains represent in your artistic career?
EB: I feel like I’m on the verge of really tapping into what I want to do. Which is just weird to say, because I’ve enjoyed making everything I’ve made. But I feel like I’m just on the cusp of really knowing and embracing what I like. I love new metal, shoegaze, alternative punk music, I love that kind of music. And I love rap. My dream is to combine everything seamlessly and create a beautiful, hybrid type of music that doesn’t feel like it’s a mix of this and that. I want it to feel like it is its own brand. And so I feel like with Superficial Stains I’m going towards what I’ve been envisioning, and I’m more and more capable of achieving what I want to achieve sonically speaking.
CC: What’s coming up for you in 2023?
EB: 2023 for music is my J. Cole year. I’m only putting out songs I have been featured on by different artists that are putting out their projects. And then I’ll be putting out singles with different artists, from not just Quebec, but from all over the world. So my plan is to just do that. I’m letting go, having fun and experimenting, working with different people a little bit around the world, and hopefully having my music reach their audience and their music reach mine.
And in Fall 2024, I want to put out an album. It’s going to be the next level because now I have the time to go to LA to work with CFCF, take my time, and put the time and thought into everything… I grew so quickly! Digital Damage was made in two months. Superficial Stains, I did it in two months. People take years to make albums. I’m always in a rush because I’m independent. I’m now allowing myself to still put out singles. That could take a little bit more time. The next thing will be very powerful. That’s my vision.
